EFNN

Updated whenever I feel like it.

Because I’m bored.

 

Nov 2, 2005

Hello, I’m Jim McCartney, the sound stage advisor. The EFNN team was arrested for a drunken beer brawl at the McRory’s Bar yesterday, and all our subs are suffering from Sugar Withdrawal. Anyways, our top stories. Holloween at Seth’s: Is it safe? And stupidity is rampant! Officals choose to do nothing about it. Here is our field correspondent, uh, me. I need to get over there, uh, Bill, commercial.

Do you like beer?

YES

Do you like lapdances?

YES

 Do you like broken glass over your head?

NO

Well come on down to McRory’s where we’ll serve you drinks until your IQ goes down. Drunken brawl free since yesterday. 

Hi, I’m Jim McCartney, outside the EFNN studio. It’s not actually on the scene, but it looks better. Anyways, Seth’s Holloween Parties aren’t safe? Yes, says several member groups, claiming that the candy was laced with auto-branders which will form a scare on your forehead which says “Property of Seth. Return to Torture Room 103 Moonbase if found”. Our next story, stupidity runs rampant, and no one chooses to do anything, Here’s me…. at the desk. Hold on.

PhranK and Jay’s Debate Festival! People smarter than Bill Gates gain free admission! Guest speakers Maddox and Linus Trovalds. Going on now, at the Brandon K. Convention Building.

Hi, I’m Jim, again. Anyways, a new report suggests the Graphic Requests forum is the largest buildup of stupidity in the entire forum. Brandon had no comments, only saying “We do NOT have 26 nukes pointing at it as we speak.”. That’s it for EFNN, I’m Jim. You stay classy, uh, Invisionfree.
YOU STOLE MY LINE

Gah, Ron! Where did you come-

*pow*

_____________________________________________________________ 

Oct 25, 05

EFNN Tonight, with Ron Burgundy.

Hello, InvisionFree. Today: Aaroninators rise again! Josh Tinklewinkle will have more. And puppeh dominating the Spam Industry? Yep. And Google buys Microsoft for only $3. But first, to our top story, Aaroninators strike again! To our correspondent, Josh!

Hello, Ron. I’m outside the infamous Support Club where the SV meetings and spam took place well today, several poke bombs went off inside, and then the Aaroninators claimed responsablity through a website. (aaroninators.com) They are demanding 20 million tons of gold and Aaron’s promotion to Mod. Back to you, Ron.

Thank you. Now to Connie Chung to Business News.

Puppeh has taken over 85% of the spam industry, breaking LTC’s hold on spam. The IF Association of Anti-Monopolists has fought them,but the IF Concil of Admins keep interferring, especially Seth. Back to you, Ron.

Thanks, Connie. Today is a massive turning point for the future of computers and internet… Google buys Microsoft for only $3. Bill Gates was reportedly becoming poor and offered itself to be bought for $10. Google came and haggled it down to $3, which is the price today. Google plans to rename Microsoft to GoogleSoft. Today on Interview, we interview Jack Thompson. Hello, Jack.

HELLO.

Can you tell me your stance on video games?

THEY ARE BAD YOU KNOW ITS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL!!!11

But you have no soild stance, since you are fighting aganist a large and powerful community.

WELL EA BRAINWASHED THEM THROUGH THE PRON IN SIMS 2 YOU KNOW

Are you sure you are not just stupid and need some attention?

….

I SUE YOU

Very well, this is it for Interview-

I WILL SUE YOUUUU

Good night.

SUE YOU LIKE PENNY ARCADE!!!11

Someone get security.

SUE J000-

You are watching EFNN, offical news for InvisionFree.

And that is all for tonight, I’m Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, InvisionFree.

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Oct 22, 05

This is EFNN: Afternoon Edition!

Hello, I’m Connie Chung. Ron is off tonight, after getting arrested for assulting a police officer. Here are our top stories: Stupidity can cause heart attacks! Our doctor Frank Billbottom has more. And Flock: Saving Browserphobic people? Or is it something that is cool to say? And the Aaroninators strike again, but their leader is caught. Bill McBone has more. But first: The Aaroninators are no more? Police say so, after capturing their leader, a person only known as “Sam” in a area known as “puppeh”. Several Aaroninator leutenants are still on the run. Now with our technology buff, Harlan!

Thank you, Connie! Flock: It rocks. At least to several lobbists, and most of them weren’t paid to say it! I’ll be keeping a eye out for any updates, but it seems Flock is gaining in popularity. I’m Harlan McCraney, back to you, Connie.

Thank you. Here’s Dr. Frank with a not that suprising study on stupidity and heart attacks.

A new study by the Cheney Medical College shows that stupid people or people who spend a lot of time near stupid people had a 53% bigger chance of getting heart attacks. This study is published in the InvisionFree Medical Journal.

And to our interview of the day. Our guest today is George W. Bush! Hello, Mr. Bush.

Hello, “Commie”.

It’s “Connie”.

That’s what I said, “Connie”.

Anyways, Mr. President. Supreme Overlord Cheney has tried several times to get rid of you. What do you say to that?

I say I’ll launch “new clear” missiles at the “evil doers” and their “axsis of evvil”.

Well said. Due to budget contraints, that is all the time we have for today on Interview, good bye, Mr. President.

Bye, Commie.

It’s Connie you stu-

Are you tired of slow membermobiles?

YES

Now here’s a solution! Ubuntu MemberMobiles. Designed to boost your speed by 500%, but only if you figure out how to get it working.

COOL

Ubuntu MemberMobile 500: Confusing Computer Experts since 2000.

And that is it for EFNN, I’m Connie Chung. Good bye, InvisionFree!